I Just Want To Express

Now I wonder, how tough I need to become to overcome my life and all the shits I gone through now. Everyday stress and worry for money to survive myself and takeover the responsibilities to raise my family; coaching for four times and everytime being rejected, getting on stage and say I dont have heart and no one can feel me, still need to being looked down by others and my own girlfriend. Won't I feel bad? I feel fucking horrible but what can I do except for improving myself and breakthrough my current condition. I can't feel? It is so pain for me and I am still want to act strong, who can understand me? You will never can unless you have been there. I hate being like this, I want to fucking change! I want to be success!